Damn Gym Bunnies...

So I finally went back to the gym today. For those that don't know, I've been rehabbing some knee issues since October, and only got cleared for exercise after the New Year. (I was supposed to start a month ago, but the weather here sucks and the gym is a 20 minute walk! Don't tell my physio!) This week I finally decided that I was sick of my own laziness and got my ass in gear. After some non-gym stuff (walking, swimming), it was time to try cycling today. (Weather was warm, but I'm not allowed to run yet.)

Now, I tend to have numerous pet peeves associated with the people that go to the gym, mostly the women. The first of today was the girl who sat down on the bike next to me, and immediately started screaming into her cell phone. WTF?? I could hear her OVER the million machines in the room AND my iPod! What conversation is so bloody important that requires you to disrupt everyone around you with your mindless gossip? Unless Bill Clinton offered you a cigar or Tom Cruise tried to rent your womb, get off the damn phone!!! Not only that, she was barely pedalling. She knows that doesn't actually count as exercise, right? Luckily she only stayed around for about 10 minutes.

After the Cell Phone Witch, another girl sat down and was continually looking over her right shoulder and breathing on me. It might sound trivial, but was HIGHLY annoying (not to mention gross). I have no idea what she was looking at, but unless it was her boyfriend having an orgy on the treadmills, I don't give a crap. Pay attention to what you're doing! At least she was actually exercising, unlike her predecessor.

My biggest issue by far is the girls who dress up and PUT ON FREAKING MAKEUP to go work out. You know who I'm talking about. The girls in the velour track suits with their breasts on display halfheartedly walking on the treadmill or elliptical while gossiping and staring at the guys in the weight room. I don't know who they think they're fooling, but everyone else knows this is a giant "I'm looking for a hook-up" sign. Too bad the dumbasses fall for it...anyway.... I've been playing sports since I was 5. While not a Serious Athlete right now, I don't half-ass my workouts. When I'm done, I'm bright red, my ponytail is stuck in place, and I'm gulping water and air like I just came in from the Sahara. And I don't glow, I SWEAT, especially after 30 minutes or so on the torture, er... rowing machine (which thankfully I don't have to do anymore!). Damn bitches make those of us actually trying to get in shape look bad! Which brings me to my second BIG peeve...

An open message to all: IF YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO USE THE ROWING MACHINE (or erg as we call it) PROPERLY - ASK!! I cannot stand to watch someone try to row who has not been taught the proper form. It calls up a primal urge to rush over and stop them before they hurt themselves (or the machine)! The number of variations on this theme are astounding:

1) The wimpy girls who have no upper body to speak of that hold the bar like a dumbbell and pretend they're exercising....

2) The boys who put the resistance up to 10 and row like maniacs for 30s distracting those of us who are trying to do a 6K test...

3) The girls who slip in, put the resistance down to 1, row for 5 minutes pretending they know what they're doing, but are really just chatting and pissing off people who have to be on there for an hour...(Trust me, if you can talk while erging, you're not doing it properly! There's a reason rowers loathe the thing...)

4) The girls who come while you're at the end of your 6K sweating like a pig, grunting out the last 100 meters of a Power 10 and trying not to die and look at you like you've just grown an extra head even though your team logo is clearly displayed on some article of clothing...

I could go on. My hatred for these people is so well-known that TPC will tell me when he's seen people at the gym using the erg wrong. Even he who has never rowed knows the proper technique (mostly 'cause I badgered him into learning). It's not difficult, really! Sigh...maybe I should stick to the pool....